is your mom at the bar?
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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