1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
