I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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