At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
