i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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