stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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