Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
