You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
