Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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