I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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