His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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