We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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