One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
