I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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