Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
