Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
