Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
