forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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