Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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