Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
