Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
