we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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