Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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