yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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