i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
