Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
