that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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