Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
