Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
