we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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