Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
