shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This is not my ceiling
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
