Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
