hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize