How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
