I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
