Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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