i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
