It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
