my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
