I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
