Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
