its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
