I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
