Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
