genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
