I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
