Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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