my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
