So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
