You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
