So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
