Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
