i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
