Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
