this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You took a bar mat shot.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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