As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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