gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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