Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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