I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
