do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
