Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
