Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
