ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
