Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
