1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
