What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
