I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
