mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize