i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
