It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
