bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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