I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
