i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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