We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
