You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
