you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
