She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
