dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Randomize
