it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
