We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize