The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
