My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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