ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
