Is it normal to miss your booty call?
wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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