If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish you could order shots online.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
