matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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