So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
