um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
