well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize