I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My balls are so social today.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
