this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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