I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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