A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
