Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
