You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
