Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize