The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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