There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
