Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I want her autograph on my taint
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
