and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
