would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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