what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
