if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wish I could teleport
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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