As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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