drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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