and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
