we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
