Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize