So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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