I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
