look no pants
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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