I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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