therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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