remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
