you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
